The Road to Self Care Starts Here!

PLUS 44 Other Ideas to Get You Started

Self-Care is the new buzz word.  In fact according to a NPR article, "The Millennial Obsession with Self Care" Millennials make more personal improvement commitments and spend twice as much in the pursuit of self-care than any other generation, especially in the area of workout regime, diet plans, life coaching, therapy and apps to improve personal well being.

The question is...Why?

Is this a problem/solution of our own making or just the solution to a busy lifestyle that often leaves us feeling self neglected?  This is the generation that has grown up in the age of the internet and social media.  It has never been easier to find information on any topic and never have we been so bombarded by images of impossible high standards.  We are no longer keeping up the the Jones'. We are now keeping up with the Kardashians (and a slew of other celebrities).

On the other hand, never has mental illness gotten so much attention, and we are at a point where the stigma surrounding it is at it's lowest point ever (although we still have a loooong way to go), so people are more willing than ever to seek the help that they need.  Self-care is seen as one way to address anxiety, depression and other illnesses or to help guard against them, and the internet provides almost endless possibilities and ideas on self-care.

How Lying to Yourself Can Make You Kinder to Others

You know how there are these little phrases that you've hear all your life, and you nod your head in understanding every time you hear it, then one day when you hear it for the 556th time you suddenly really get it, like as in an honest to goodness 'aha' moment?  I had one of these flashes of insight this morning.

I was mulling over a problem a friend of mine was going through.  A friend who always seems to have their shit really together.  They are funny, smart, successful many times over, in a happy relationship, living in a great place.  In other words, seemingly "perfect".  Yet, not perfect.  They have a loved one struggling, and a family at odds about the best way to handle the situation.  So the phrase "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Be Kind - Always" or "Everyone is struggling at something, some are just better at hiding it than others." popped into my head, and I was like "Wow, that really is true."

Every time I've heard it, I've nodded my head "yes, of course" and went about my day.  Of course I "get it", but I don't know if I ever really, I mean really thought about it to the extent that I not only intellectually understood, but I felt it.  Everyone really does have something that they will have to deal with that isn't pretty.  We all have some mess in our life that we are hiding in the proverbial closet.  Some of us have hall closets, and some have that huge room-sized walk-in closet of mess with several sections, that we are dealing with.

Kindness

The difference is when I intellectually understood it, I didn't internalize it, so I would then find myself subconsciously (maybe consciously) judging.  For example, you know when you pass someone on the highway, and then maybe you forget to get right back into the driving lane, then you look behind you and see this A**hole riding your bumper, flashing his lights at you to move over? See? Judging - only a**holes drive like that.  Or, the surly checkout person is just mean.  Glad you don't have to work with her.

Project Night Owl to Morning Lark: What Worked & What Didn't Round 1

SPOILER ALERT: I suck at this, but I learned a lot.....

Becoming a Morning Person

I picked this Ostrich because it is neither a owl or a lark, AND this ostrich face just looks like it saying to me, "Ummm hmmm, I know your excuses and I'll have none of them, get your ass out there and try again."  Ok, I'm trying. I really am, yet I just can't seem to get into a groove that allows me to stick to a routine.  Maybe the problem is that in the summer, there is no routine.  I get a little more lax with everything.  I have more than my usual 1 glass of wine.  The kids and I stay up later watching movies, playing Minecraft, and just enjoying the fact that we DON'T have a routine that we are a slave to.  I was starting to get back in a groove when Hurricane Harvey hit and the kids were out of school for another two weeks.  However, Monday is our last day home, then it is back to the grind. Back to a routine, so I will try again.

I was feeling a little down on myself for the total lack of progress, then I remembered this little statistic from Men's Health.  It takes the average smoker almost 30 tries before they finally kick the habit.  I've been a night owl my whole life.  I'm biologically pre-disposed (it would seem), so I'm not sweating it as long as I am learning along the way.  So, here is what I've discovered so far.

Book Review: The Weight of Feathers

2 Stars (out of 5)

I won this book from a Goodreads giveaway, and was so excited to get it. The cover is beautiful and the writing engages with beautiful metaphors and symbolism that are used tastefully and with restraint. The Weight of Feathers is like a classical beautiful woman (or man) you are drawn to because of their beauty and the care they take in their appearance speaks of a certain gracefulness, not like those flashy fake beauties. After a few minutes of conversation you realize that all of their effort has gone into their outwardly appearance and they are about as deep as a puddle.  Admittedly, I have low tolerance for foolishness and spinelessness and this book has that in spades. There is a magical element and everyone's decisions are based on this magical "gypsy" type folklorish superstition, which is one thing. However, the theme is inconsistent, at one time highlighting how superstitions and magic are absurd ways to base decisions on (even trumping love for one's sons and daughters), then explaining everything away with a perfectly non-magical, completely logical explanation that makes everyone look stupid for living 20 years under these superstitions. Then turn the page and someone dissolves into a pyre of ruby feathers that we are off and following into the sunset. While I have a low tolerance for foolishness and spinelessness in my characters, I have even less patience for glaring inconsistencies in plot. I would sacrifice flowery language for plot every single time.  As far as comparisons to "The Night Circus", I can say the prose is very similar in it's beauty and feel. I would say that is where I stop comparing. I was not a huge fan of that book either as I thought the actual plot was weak (i.e. non-existent), but it was more engaging and interesting to me than this read (but maybe not to a teenager because it does have that "but I love him" angst to it). So, I can't say I would recommend it to adult fans of that book because I do believe you would be disappointed.

The Tiger Rising: How a Book Helped Me Help My Children Deal with Death

I just recently finished reading "The Tiger Rising" by Kate DiCamillo.  It is a short read, about 121 pages.  I finished it in about an hour.  My daughter who is 7 years old, picked it up on the clearance shelf of our favorite discount bookstore.  She is going through a cat phase right now, and is attracted to all things cat, so the cover (which is beautiful) and the title was irresistible for her.  She brought it home and read it nonstop that afternoon.

Guest Post: Best Underwear for Women (Sexy and Comfortable)

Hey Mommas!  We have a guest poster this week!  

Natasha Brown is one of my oldest friends.  We grew up together.  She recently (like this week) launched her own blog www.bffsonly.com with a couple of her bff's to talk about those things we only talk about with our bff's, the trivial, the embarrassing, the funny, the serious, the raw, and the real, all in a judgement free zone (because best friends don't judge, even when they should/could). Please show her some love and leave some comments for her - well for all of us, and maybe check out her page as she gets it up and going.  Also, she is looking for topics to research and cover, so drop her a line (bffsonly2017@gmail.com ), and her and the bff team with talk it out and post about it.  

My recommendation for the most comfortable, pretty, no panty line showing underwear out there.

I'm 40 and I have had two children.  I just don't want to wear a thong anymore.  I'll take comfort over sexy.  At this point in our lives with two busy careers and two busy children, my husband is just happy if he gets laid semi-regularly.  I don't think he is even paying attention to my underwear.  Looking at my cellulite in a thong doesn't make me feel attractive either.  However, I'm not dead yet, and I want to feel attractive, and comfortable, and I don't want panty lines, so what's a girl to do?

Enter Soma Vanishing Edge series from Soma (www.soma.com).
They disappear under your clothes, even the sheerest of summer dresses, and they stay put thanks to these little gripper strips on the cheeks.  They are super comfy too and come in microfiber and cotton.  I have used both.  I don't wear them to the gym though because they are my "fancy" underwear.  

Speaking of gyms and underwear..... underwear under your gym leggings or no?  One of the bff's goes commando, but I just can't do it.  It doesn't feel right.  Like riding in a car without a seatbelt it just feels like something is missing, and I feel vulnerable.  Maybe I have deeper trust issues, I don't know, but until I get those sorted out, I'm wearing undies under my leggings. The undies I've been wearing are Hanes Boyfriend Hipster 3pack briefs. They are cotton, so breathable, and they stay put.  Plus they have a little of this fighter/boxer thing going on, so it makes me feel like I am out there kicking ass Rocky style.  I love them, but you can see panty lines under leggings. I don't care, but if that's an issue for you, skip these.  

So fellow bff's, what's your go to undies?  What other amazing panties am I missing?  Leave your favorites for the rest of us below.

10 Things To Do Right Now to Help You Lose Weight for Good

I have tried a lot of things that didn’t work and were a little too extreme for me. Remember “Stop the Insanity”??? That was insanity. The science behind it turned out to be off the mark with her philosophy of never eating fat, and just eating whatever you want. Never again eating anything with fat in it for me was a definite no go in the long run (really, have you ever tried non-fat “cheese" {shudder}).  When I fell off the wagon, I felt like a failure, and that is when I really started to eat unhealthy, and the weight snuck up on me.  

In reality, I wasn’t a failure, the diet was.  So, when I decided to get healthier, I tried numerous things, many of which I still use in some form or the other, and I am still learning.  

All of these tips and tools are modifications of the tidbits I picked up from friends, family, reading, etc. I am sure you have your own list of things you've tried. Like you, I tried many of these with limited success. The #1 thing I learned that brought me the most success was learning to really pay attention to what I was eating and why without judgment.  This allowed me to really evaluate whether these tips would work in my life, and how I would need to tweak it to suit me.  So use what works for you, and accept that it might take a while to figure out how you can tweak what you learn to work for you. Be creative. Experiment.